never die, for always be around and around and around.

I am compiling a list of songs that make/have made me emotional.

in no particular order...

"dogs" - page france
"hallelujah" - leonard cohen/jeff buckley
"some things last a long time" - daniel johnston
"re stacks" - bon iver
"skinny love" - bon iver
any other bon iver song.
"mlk" - u2
"I'll be seeing you" - billie holiday
"names" - cat power
"transatlanticism" - death cab for cutie
"I won't be found" - the tallest man on earth
"vienna" - billy joel
"asleep" - the smiths
"of angels and angles" - the decemberists
"little dreamer" - future islands
"on your porch" - the format
"open your eyes" - snow patrol
"jesus paid it all"
"tereza and tomas" - bright eyes
"the trapeze swinger" - iron & wine
"details in the fabric" - jazon mraz feat. james morrison
"the cure for pain" - jon foreman
"amazing love" - david crowder band
"I love how you love me" - jeff mangum
"I remember music" - rocky votolato
any sigur ros song.
"marry song" - band of horses


some people are just really good at making songs that make me want to cry sometimes.
I think it is these songs that have inspired me the most sometimes.

feel free to add to my list in that little area for commentsssss.

lost black shoe

I had one of those days where you keep trying to say certain things but you can't think of the words that you want to say. It might have been for all of the wrong reasons.

despite the weirdness of the day, I think it all ended on a good note. But it also might be for all of the wrong reasons.
also, I can be very self-centered and prideful sometimes. probably often, in fact. I think I needed to say that to someone besides myself to initiate the steps to achieving humbleness.

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I don't know what I'm saying anymore.

just like an old friend.

amongst the craziness that has been happening in my life recently, my good friend lucas sent me this message. as I was writing my response, I realized that everything I said was everything that I've been wanting to say and everything that I have considered unloading into this blog. well, I'm taking the easy way out and doing the good old copy and paste to record in this blog where my life is to this very moment. I feel like everything is appropriate enough for others' eyes.

Lucas Fillmore February 5 at 11:46pm

Dearest Gig,
How are you my childhood friend? Do the days treat you kindly as they watch their hours pass by? Has the the Lord been gracious and loving? Has he been whispering softly or speaking plainly? Where has the endless road taken you as of now? Do you have a home or like the Son of Man, have no place to rest your head? I hope to hear from you soon and may our Papa watch over your every step.

Blessings,
Luke

Trista Gig Reis February 9 at 3:24pm

dearest lukas,

the days, much like me, have been up and down, to be quite honest. I have made many decisions recently, some of them have been changed into new decisions and some of them are still constant.

I have said "yes yes yes!" to God's call for me to transfer to university of Iowa next year. He has been giving me tons of excitement about it for many reasons as well.
I was planning on transferring over and auditioning for the music program (in a week and a half is when my audition would have been), but after talking to the saxophone director there and talking to my saxophone director here, neither of them seemed very hopeful about me getting into the program. within all of this, I have been blessed with the decision to not waste my time and energy trying to prepare myself for the audition into a music program that I might not have even got into, and if I did, would probably want to die because it is so intense. I have realized that my life as a college student doesn't have to and frankly, shouldn't be about competition and stress stress stress. I have recently realized that I am NOT a competitive person and that competition does not motivate me to work harder, but only discourages me farther. I am happy to have spent the past 2 years furthering my education in a subject I love so much, but I am very happy to be done with it.
and you know what major U of Iowa has that ISU does not? ART HISTORY! yes, art history. I have decided in the past 2 semesters of art history classes that I have taken, I am in love and want to take advantage of this opportunity. or be an art major, maybe. probably art history though. either way, artsie fartsie.

another thing on my mind is living circumstances for next year. this hasn't been totally decided yet, but I think I am coming closer to settling it. WELL, 3 of my friends/girls in my connection group that I have become closer with this year were initially all pretty dead set on going to Iowa City next year. but things change and some things don't work out... and now (probably) only one of those girls will be going to Iowa City next year, but it will not be until spring semester (probably). my immediate reaction to realizing that all of my prospective roommates for next fall wouldn't be coming was a little bit of anger, but it mostly tied up into just being unsure. I felt like I had been bailed on, but then I came to my senses and remembered why I'm going and also that 'hey, maybe God isn't bringing them there for a reason, and I should be happy with what he is doing.' so then I had to come to terms with the fact that I would be living by myself in a town foreign to me with only a few acquaintances to keep me company. not happy about this initially, my grief turned to joy as I slowly got more and more excited to live by myself and generally just experience new things. (however, living by yourself in Iowa City isn't very cheap.) either way, I was pretty stoked to not have to rely on other people and have a place all to myself. THEN, about 2 days ago, denise (I feel like you have met her, but maybe not) decided that she wanted to come to Iowa City for a semester... and then decided that she wanted to come to Iowa City for (probably) a year. I look forward to this. in contrast to my current roommate situation, I don't have to be scared that denise hates me or is always mad at me, and I can be completely honest with her about anything. PLUS, we've already lived together. I think it will work very well. AND, it will be cheaper. AND, she might study art history as well. AND, I won't be scared that I have no one to feel close to.
even though I am going as a part of a church, I'm not incredibly close with any of the girls (or guys) that are going in the fall. while I'm sure that these circumstances will change within the next couple of months... it will still be nice to have my best friend there with me.
I'm still anxiously and frantically searching for a place and an hour doesn't go by that I'm not on craigslist searching for places to live. I have managed to look at this historic village place a million times, this dolphin point enclave place a million and one times, and a whole lot of other places several times as well. I will be visiting Iowa City next friday, the 19th, and will hopefully be checking out plenty of properties then. all I want is a parking spot, laundry facilities, a place for my cat, and heck, maybe a place decently close to campus. but maybe I'm being too picky. :)

I guess, for the not so great stuff...
I'm really feeling discouraged having to be at school at ISU for the rest of the semester. now that I know that I'm not going to be here next year, I hate wasting time and energy and a whole lot of emotions on these music ensembles and this music program that I really don't care about anymore. I'm realizing the only reason I cared so much about working hard and succeeding is because I would have to be at this school for another few years. but now that I won't be here, I come close to just dropping all of these ensembles almost every day. my motivation to practice and work hard is suffering, and also, I think my saxophone director is taking this whole thing personally, which saddens me and makes things difficult.
it really is difficult to be happy and positive where I'm at when I'm way too excited about the future. but a friend of mine recently reminded me that I should really make the best of it because I will only be here for a few more months.

so, I guess, I'm just really excited about what will happen and very unexcited about some of the things I have to bear with before I can get there.
and hey, I haven't even gotten accepted into University of Iowa yet, so maybe this could all blow up in my face. that would be depressing.

a good thing is, my parents have been super duper supportive and awesome throughout all of this. they even bought me a new saxophone, fully knowing that I am not planning on continuing my education in music! they are just great.

God has been completely changing everything, and providing everything that I need, and it's just great. I am continually put back in my rightful place as I try and make my own plans and God just 1ups them. haha, it's great! it really is. I never even considered transferring... I never even considered dropping my music major... until I realized that I could... and I should!

also, I am starting to draw again. something I have not done for almost 2 years.
double also, john porter and I are very happy.

I think that by unloading everything that my mind has been concerned with for the past several weeks, I have managed to answer all of your questions. also, this has been extremely liberating to be able to do this. your message could not have come at a more opportune time. thank you, dear friend.

please, tell me everything that has been happening in your life. I want to know all of it, and I hope to hear that God has been doing some crazy stuff like he always does.

love, gig